


Before the Dawn

by rawkfemme



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-10
Updated: 2016-11-10
Packaged: 2018-08-30 04:06:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8517889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rawkfemme/pseuds/rawkfemme
Summary: A sequel to "Lost to Him".  Set towards the end of the season seven episode "Workforce", part two.





	

Unfamiliar corridors; gray and unassuming. The hallways bend in front of her like a labyrinth. She clutches his hand like a lifeline. People stream past in the red, gold, or blue of her apparent home. They all stand at attention as she passes. She, who until the day before was ready to start her life with the man whose thumb is grazing over her knuckles as they approach the door to the doctor’s office. Sick Bay, as it's called on a ship. The doors swish open at her approach, recognizing that she is part of this world, startling her, causing her to pause. The balding man in the blue shouldered uniform greets her by the title that holds no meaning to her. He hurries her to the bed and attempts to placate her fears with platitudes. How can he claim that he's here to help her when she doesn't know him? How can everything be alright now? Everything was fine before this ship appeared and upended her quiet life. She lies back on the bed, the bright overhead lights filling her view, blurring her vision. The doctor starts to administer the treatment, while her eyes seek those of the man who so quickly filled her heart. She finds them, brimming with the same tears that she is about to shed. As the sedative in the treatment begins to take effect, she feels his hand graze her cheek and his fingers wind into her hair. Her last thoughts before drifting away are of greying hair and comfortable blankets. 

She awakes slowly, as if coming out of a beautiful dream on a sunny morning. The hand grasping hers is still there, and a figure sits slumped, sleeping next to her bed. Still in her dazed state of awakening, she rolls towards her companion, seeking the comfort of his kiss. He senses her movement, and drags his head up, squeezing her hand. His eyes meet hers, and she is brought out of her sleepy reverie with a start. Before her is not her Jaffen, but instead the man who claims to be her friend. Chakotay. Or was it something else? Kamal? She hurries to sit up, and the joy in his eyes at seeing her awake fades to worry. The doctor charges into the room and starts taking readings. He's attempting to explain that several more treatment sessions will be needed before her memory is fully restored, but all she can think to do is bound off of the bed, her hands wringing, then rushing through her hair. She's supposed to be somewhere else, not here. Jaffen is supposed to be with her now, not Amal. Yes, that was his name. Amal. She calls for the computer to locate Jaffen. It responds that he is not on the ship. How did she know to do that? Amal explains that Jaffen has gone to the surface to retrieve her belongings and will be back soon. He crosses to her, placing his hand on her upper arm. His touch is warm and solid. His thumb starts to gently stoke the dark and mossy green of her jacket. She looks at his hand on her and his thumb stills. Is this how he always touches me? With such familiarity? He offers to take her to her quarters to help her get something else to wear; something that will be a bit more comfortable. 

They walk silently down the hall, her a step behind as he leads the way. She takes the moment to consider him, to examine him. Tall, obviously strong, with a solid sense of duty. He called them friends. Is that the truth? She can sense a closeness in their relationship in the way he stands so near to her, in the way he’s touched her, and in the way he looks at her. Not just looks – gazes. It doesn’t feel predatory or possessive, but concerned and loving. She raises her eyes to the back of his neck and narrowly avoids running into him as he stops abruptly. The door to their right glides open, reveling what she supposes is her quarters. Inside it is dark, but oddly, she doesn’t trip over the ottoman or stray book as she winds her way to the bedroom. Knowing where it was felt automatic, she realizes as she opens the closet and selects a shift and leggings. He follows behind her, calling for the lights to be raised to 40 percent. Now she is able to gaze around the rooms. She sees all the usual trappings; coffee cups, discarded clothes, framed pictures. She picks the latter off of her bedside table. It’s an image of her and Amal, on a boat. He’s pressing a kiss into her loose and long hair. Her eyes are full of light and his are full of love. The picture begins to blur as her vision is clouded by tears. She turns to him, lips parting, filled with apology for forgetting, for still not remembering. He’s leaning against the door frame across the room, his head down, arms behind his back. This is hard for him too, she thinks. He assures her that it’s alright, and that the doctor still has several more treatments to give her, and he leaves the room to let her change. 

By the time they return to sick bay, Jaffen is back on board. While the doctor begins his work, Jaffen takes her hand and stokes her cheek, whispering soft words of comfort and love. As she starts to feel the heavy sleepiness of the sedative, her eyes turn to the figure in red and black at the other end of the room, standing alone with his gaze cast downward, his shoulders tightened. As she drifts off, letting the treatment take effect, she has a vague vision of orange roses and fizzy wine.

When she awakes again, Jaffen is still there, in the seat next to the bed that Amal had occupied previously. He’s reading a factory manual, but sets it to the side with a smile when she touches his hand. The doctor calls for Amal on the comm, referring to him as Commander Chakotay. Why doesn’t he call him by his real last name if Chakotay is a nickname? As Amal enters the room, Jaffen is helping her down from the bed. According to Amal, now is the perfect time for a tour of the ship. Maybe seeing familiar settings will spark her memory, so off the three of them go. Jaffen keeps his arm around her waist, keeping her close, almost steering her from area to area. Amal again walks in front of her, leading them on the tour. In the mess hall, she knows that she has eaten some interesting creations, but can’t remember the name of the root vegetable she hates. She knows the number of gel packs in engineering, but almost stumbles when the floor changes from carpet to transparent aluminum, thinking she was going to fall. On the bridge, she walks straight to and sits in her command chair, but then turns to the left instead of right when the tour leads to her ready room. It’s coming back in pieces, but Tom and Tuvok both reassure her that the same happened to them and it will be alright in the end. 

The tour ends at Holodeck Two. They don’t have much recreation on Quarra, and no holodecks or holosuites to speak of, so Amal purports that the extensive simulations of familiar surroundings may be helpful. The doors hiss open and her senses are struck by an earthy bouquet. Moss and dirt perfume the air, warm and gentle breezes blow her loose hair, and birdsong bids them welcome. As she steps in, her feet sink lightly in the simulated earth. She crosses in front of her companions, taking in the scene. All it takes is a small cabin and a patch of freshly tilled dirt, and she is on her knees, hand covering her awestruck smile. She can’t catch her breath and her heart is beating too quickly. Her eyes cloud for what seems like the hundredth time in too few days as she is flooded with images of blue towels, and sand paintings, and that damned monkey. She looks up at Amal. Her Amal. She realizes that now. His eyes dance with light and love. Jaffen’s hand moves to her shoulder, pulling her from her reverie. His face is still and un-emoting and she recoils from his touch. She rises abruptly and exits the room, both men calling after her, calling her by her name. She remembers that no one calls her by her name. Except Amal, and now Jaffen. She hurries back to sick bay and demands the doctor administer the final treatment. Enough is enough. She needs to be back to being herself, whomever that is. She lies back on the bed, closing her eyes. She knows that she’ll need to let him go. She’ll need to leave Jaffen behind to continue on his life without her. He’ll find his happiness after her, she’s sure of that. As she drifts off again, she is pulled into peace with visions of a tiny spirit guide, a sacred ancient pledge, and of her warrior, Amal Kotay.


End file.
